social climbers

We are now at the awkward stage of life in which it becomes clear that some of the friends we've known for years are turning out to be very different people from who we thought they would be.

After college and in our 20s, we were all on a level playing field. We had entry level jobs, rented in the city, drove beat up cars or no cars at all, enjoyed each others' company and generally didn't take ourselves too seriously. Then engagements and weddings started popping up. Soon after that came houses, and better jobs, and babies. And lots of superficial talk about whose wedding was bigger, who had more high-powered jobs, and whose house was too big or too expensive (i.e. more expensive than the complainer could afford for himself), and blah blah blah. And slowly but surely, it became clear that some friends just didn't have much in common with us anymore. Even worse, a select few were turning out to be social climbers who were more interested in developing their social status and material wealth than real relationships.

Chris and I are real people. We like occasional shiny new things as much as the next person, but our goals in life have nothing to do with driving expensive cars, living in a wealthy town, or working our way into social circles of people who have these things. And because we're real, genuine people, it takes us a while to understand and accept that people we've been friends with for a long time think those status symbols are more important than friendships they've held for years. 

Here's what I want to know. Am I crazy, or is there really nothing inherently superior about driving a luxury car and living in the nicest suburb? Maybe the summer heat's just getting to me a little, but shouldn't our goals be geared more toward who we are as people, honest relationships with each other, and just plain happiness and contentment? Could there be any more shallow a happiness than that gleaned solely from material possessions and the status they earn you among other people with similarly air-headed aspirations? It is such a disappointment to see our status-conscious friends slipping away from us, inching up the rungs of that social ladder and grasping at the coattails of friends above them. They become more and more distant. They cancel plans or make themselves unavailable with bogus excuses. Conversations with them just don't go like they used to. They're not interested in joking around and showing personality, having deep conversations, or exposing any personal weaknesses or negatives about their lives. In other words, they seem fake and (dare I say it?) even vacuous.

We are slowly coming to accept that some of our friends really aren't friends at all anymore. We need new ones. Real, genuine friends we actually see on a regular basis. Ones we're comfortable sharing our lives with. Friends we can drop in on, do nice things for and give help to, and who do all of those things for us in return. People we can be ourselves with, who don't make us feel as if we're in a competition. People who are the opposite of snobby, elitist, and boring. If only we knew where to find them and how to immediately invite them for dinner without seeming overly forward...

I feel better now. I'll bet a lot of you out there have gone through this too. Something happened today that reminded me of this social change we're going through. I usually don't worry much about it. Now that it's off my chest I can go back to being my happy, busy, interesting, interested self. Without one single BMW to my name. How on earth do I do it?!