On my runs I come across the same people frequently. There's the man who walks all day long every day. The girl with three kids and two dogs all under 4 who never says hi. Then there are my two newest interests.
Let's start with Barbie girl. Barbie wears shiny new running shoes, spandex shorts, and a snazzy new shirt that has never seen a drop of actual sweat. She jogs at a very slow pace, wearing designer sunglasses (not sport ones) with not one hair out of place. The other morning she and I passed each other as I was mid-long run, sweating real sweat and possibly having used my sleeve as a tissue. And I wondered if she was as disgusted by me as I was by her. Ha! I just think it's weird that someone who seems mostly interested in looking good while working out would choose to run, rather than spending time in an air conditioned gym.
On this particular day, just around the bend from Barbie I was lucky enough to encounter the most interesting character in our story: The Hooded Shuffler. Oh, how I wish I had a picture. The Hooded Shuffler wears the same attire every. single. day. Baggy wind pants, baggy wind jacket, cotton t shirt (UG, cotton? for running?), and hat. Even in 75 degree weather she wears all of these things.
The Hooded Shuffler also listens to an MP3 player. I know lots of runners do this, and I would do it myself except for the fact that it's EXTREMELY DANGEROUS, PEOPLE!! It's fine if you maintain visual awareness of what's around and behind you, or if you have the volume low. The Hooded Shuffler does neither of those things. I come from behind and pass her on a regular basis, and I scare the crap out of her every time. One time I'm pretty sure she pooped her wind pants. She still hasn't learned that perhaps she should be more aware of her surroundings. You know, because being a woman who runs alone at turtle speed, on the same predictable route, every day at the same time, already makes her vulnerable? Oy.
In conclusion, I want to overtake the Hooded Shuffler one day and pull her into the bushes to strip off her clothes, dress her in appropriate running attire (she's GOT to be so uncomfortable!), yank out the MP3 player and send her on her way again. Oh my gosh I hope she isn't reading! I think my rant is over now.
On a related note, does anyone have recommendations for a fuel belt and for gels vs jelly beans for long runs? Thanks!
LOL This post was hilarious! You should do a weekly segment of who you meet on your runs. :) People are so strange! Was Barbie in full make-up, too? Those are the girls who really get my goat.
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