I hear voices at night. Sometimes they're real, sometimes not. I've been woken in the night so often that now I sometimes imagine I've heard Celia when I haven't. I can't fall asleep again unless I look in on her, because I can't convince myself that I only imagined her voice. Even on a good night when Pita only wakes up once, I'm awake much more than that feeling paranoid that she's either made a noise or is about to wake up at any minute. I fear my sleep is forever ruined.
Let's take Thursday night as an example.
10:00 pm: I go to bed. I'm just falling asleep when I hear that imaginary Pita voice calling me. Chris is still awake downstairs and I know he would come up if she really did make noise. I try to go to sleep again but it's much harder after I've been woken up.
1:30 am: Celia cries out a few times, so I look in on her. She's talking in her sleep. Just a dream.
2:30 am: I don't want to get into too much detail, but let's just say that Blub has a bit of a gas problem at night. I'm awakened by horrifying toxic fumes emanating from under the covers. I grumble not nice things, kick Chris, and try to fall back asleep.
2:50 am: The cats are making a lot of noise playing with something downstairs. I go down there, but the offenders have run away to hide.
Sometime between 3 and 4:00, I had been woken so many times that I kept imagining I'd heard Celia again.
4:00 am: Celia is singing "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" in her crib. Loudly. I go in and tell her to go back to sleep.
4:45 am: Celia calls me because she can't find her binky.
6:00 am: My alarm goes off. I'm just happy it's no longer night time since I hadn't been sleeping much anyway.
7:30 am: Pita wakes up, all smiles. Despite my fatigue, I'm awfully happy as soon as I lay eyes on her. She's sitting in her crib singing at the top of her lungs. When she sees me she, she grins and flops onto her blanket for one last snuggle, wiggling her little bum in the air. Then she's standing, arms outstretched, so I can scoop her up and start our day.
I'm thinking that, in another thirty or forty years, I should be able to get good sleep again.
I can relate to this! I think once you're a mom, you just don't sleep. My girls are 3 and 7 and it's small miracle if I actaully sleep through the night.
ReplyDeleteI totally get this girl, I still am the same way! Sometimes if I am in a deep sleep I think I hear Kelcee call "mama" and I know she's asleep yet I go check just to make sure LOL....Kelcee dreams and makes noises and calls out in her sleep sometimes and I always wake and check on her....Thats called a great mommy! I too have kitty offenders who like to play and fight at night and when I get up they scadaddle.....silly stinkers....
ReplyDeleteHope you get some sleep soon
xoxo
sums