dear anonymous

I'd like to dedicate this post to "Anonymous" from Johnstown, Rhode Island.

Dear, dear Anonymous,
What an unusual name you have! Am I right in assuming it isn't your given name? And that you entertain yourself on Sunday mornings not by reading the Sunday paper or spending time with family and friends you unfortunately don't have, but by leaving rude comments on random blogs? And that you do this anonymously because you don't have the balls to do it as yourself? That is sad. And weak. And representative of poor character. You're so, so lucky that you left your rude comment on a day when I was already in a bad mood, because now I'm dedicating an entire post to you. I'm actually quite flattered by your comment, because it means my blog gets enough traffic that not only does it receive regular friendly visitors, but now attracts random trolls like you. Hmm, trolls... Wait a minute. Are you Creepy X-Ray Guy? OMG it is you! How are you? How fitting that after our encounter all those years ago, you've now taken an interest in my daughter's potty training. Oh, you silly fecophiliac, you! Because that was what your comment was about, remember? Out of an entire post about my living room, you were drawn to the fact that my daughter's potty is kept there. If you're concerned about the location of my toddler's potty, feel free to set up an actual account with a linked email address to post comments from, so we can correspond on this matter. Because the layout of my house and bathroom locations are totally your business, and you have every right to scold me for the inappropriate placement of something that belongs in the bathroom, in the living room. Oh the HORROR!

I've got to head along now, Anonymous. You stop by any time once you have that Google account up and running. In the meantime, I'll keep an eye out for your IP address so we can continue our nice little chats. Do you return to the blogs you leave stupid comments on to see the results of your handiwork? Or is it more of a hit and run type thing? Either way, it's been quite enjoyable. Mkay, good talk. Bye, now.